Who Are Your “And Guys”?
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done? Write it down. I bet it was dangerous. There’s a good chance it involved the police. And I’d wager my son’s college education it involved other guys. Chances are, someone acted as your accomplice or as your audience. Living in Charlotte, home of NASCAR, where people spend five hours watching left-hand turns, I’ve heard a few redneck jokes—like this one: What are a redneck’s famous last words?
“Guys, hold my beer and watch this.”
Men do crazy things when other men are around. But they also achieve the impossible.
Men do crazy things when other men are around. But they also achieve the impossible. First guys to conquer Mount Everest: Tenzing Norgay and Sir Edmund Hillary. First Americans to find a passage from the Mississippi to the Northwest: Meriwether Lewis and William Clark. First guys to fly a plane: Wilbur and Orville Wright. First guys to land on the moon: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. What’s the common element between all those firsts?
The word and. Crazy only requires spectators. But great missions, whether conquering a mountain or the moon, requires camaraderie. When you open the New Testament, you discover men (plural) on a mission. Even Jesus didn’t venture out alone. First thing he did after he started his public ministry? Surrounded himself with other guys (Mark 1:16–20). First time Jesus sent out the disciples? They went out like Noah’s animals—two by two (see Mark 6:7–13). When the first churches were established, they were founded by pairs of men: Peter and John (Acts 3–5); Barnabas and Saul (Acts 13–15); Paul and Silas (Acts16–18). And is a powerful word.
Who follows the and in your life? Who are your “and” guys? Walk through the letters of Paul and you’ll discover he never went anywhere without some trusted companions: Timothy, my fellow worker, greets you; so do Lucius and Jason and Sosipater . . . (Romans 16:21) Paul . . . and our brother Sosthenes, to the church of God that is in Corinth …(1 Corinthians 1:1–2) I rejoice at the coming of Stephanas and Fortunatus and Achaicus . . . for they refreshed my spirit. (1 Corinthians 16:17–18) Paul… and Timothy our brother… (2 Corinthians 1:1) Paul… and all the brothers who are with me…(Galatians 1:1–2)
In all but one of his thirteen letters, Paul mentions men who are in his foxhole with him. The only exception is 1 Timothy, which is addressed to one of Paul’s most trusted “and” guys (see Philippians 2:19–22).
Painting a living portrait of God’s glory by loving our wives sacrificially for fifty years is Mount Everest.
Quick, think about your wedding pictures. Specifically imagine the one with your groomsmen. Maybe you were sporting blue ruffled tuxedo shirts. Maybe you had one guy beside you. Maybe you had ten. If you retook the picture today, how many of those guys would still be standing beside you? And how many would really know what’s going on in your life? Granted, we live in a mobile and transient culture, so chances may be slim that you still live near your groomsmen. Even so, could you fill their spots with other men who you would say are “and” guys? We invite other men to stand with us at the wedding, but rarely to stand beside us throughout the marriage. As men, we tend to fall into the trap of thinking that we conquered Mount Everest on our wedding day. In reality, we just hit base camp. Painting a living portrait of God’s glory by loving our wives sacrificially for fifty years is Mount Everest. Can you imagine Sir Edmund Hilary reaching base camp in the Himalayas and saying to his Sherpa guide, Tenzing Norgay, “Hey, I got it from here—later.” Yet we leave most of our “and” guys at the altar and head up the mountain of marriage solo.
Difference between “Buddies” and “And Guys.”
Buddies “And” Guys
Buddies:
- Get together and watch sports
- Encourage you to wife bash
- Say you deserve better
- Magnify your wife’s weaknesses
- Help you crave vindication for wounds
- Gawk at other women
And Guys:
- Get together and share scars
- Encourage you to beautify your wife
- Encourage you to sacrifice
- Magnify your wife’s strengths
- Help you crave victory despite your wounds
- Guard your eyes against other women
Find some “and” guys in your life and your wife will help you schedule the next guys’ night out.
Excerpted from Playing Hurt: A Guy’s Strategy for a Winning Marriage
For more, go to http://playinghurt.org or buy at Amazon.
About Brian Goins
Since the NBA never drafted him, Brian decided to go into full-time pastoral ministry. Brian and his bride of 15 years, Jennifer, set up shop in Charlotte NC with their three kids (Brantley, Palmer, and Gibson). He, along with a great team, started and serves as pastor at Renaissance Bible Church. Brian bleeds Tarheel blue, remembers when he played full court basketball, wishes he was a carpenter, and wants to figure out how to live in Montana six months out of the year. Brian and Jennifer travel around the country speaking to couples at “Weekend to Remember” events for Family Life. He received his Masters of Theology degree from Dallas Theological Seminary and worked as Creative Director for Insight for Living before going into church ministry. He's written for a number of Christian leaders including Chuck Swindoll, Chip Ingram, and Tommy Nelson.
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